Are you bored yet?

(Talk of abandonment) (Internalized amatonormativity) (Berry) (Berry + Rivers QPP) (Fluff) (implied Aro!Rivers)

“The sunset is really beautiful.”
“Almost as much as you.”
“Oh shut up-“ Rivers elbowed Berry in the side, “that’s cheesy as hell, i’m disappointed in you”
They laughed, “Oh like you're any better,” It leaned back and propped itself up on its hands, matching their partner, “I’ve seen you read pickup lines out of a book, in front of me.
“Okay, okay,” Xe took a minute to enjoy the surroundings, the wet dirt on his palms, the gentle gradient of the sky with the first stars just starting to appear, it was- nice.

“Hey. Can I ask you something?” xe said.
“Yeah, what is it?”
Rivers paused, collecting himself, xe said, “Why me? Why- this? I get that i’m being vague I’m just- I guess what I'm trying to ask is, I know that you can experience romantic attraction, and, If you want something like that you can just ask okay? I don’t want to hold you back,”
Berry was silent, seemingly in thought.
“Oh god, that made no sense didn’t it?” he made an awkward chuckle.
“No no, it did, you're asking me why I would choose a platonic relationship with you when I ‘could’ have a romantic relationship with someone else,” It put the word could in air quotes, like they didn’t fully understand the meaning.

“In as many words, yeah.” Berry was better with words than xem, never stumbling or stuttering the way he did. It felt like it could reach into the tangled mess of thoughts in xyr brain and pull out the string that made it all made sense, like they could tell him what xe was feeling when even he couldn’t tell. Xe appreciated it.
“And don’t come at me with that ‘platonic relationships aren’t lesser than romantic ones and qprs are a separate thing entirely blah blah blah’ shit,” He added, “If anyone knows about that it’s me. I just- I just want to know, okay?”
Berry gave that soft smile it always gave when xe had just done or said something stupid, with the tilt of the head and the way they squinted up it’s eyes just a little bit. He could feel the blood rushing to xyr face and quickly looked away, it seemed like a reasonable enough question to him- had xe done something wrong?

“Well, there are a lot of reasons,” they brushed Rivers’ hand with it’s, and he didn’t stop them when it started to interweave their hand with xyrs, “I love the way you’re not afraid to show your feelings, the way you jump around and tap your feet when your happy, or the way your face freezes when your thinking through the consequences of a decision just a second after you’ve done it, the way your face gets all red when you're embarrassed. I love the way your not afraid to stand your ground for what you believe in, the way you throw yourself in harms way for others, even when I wish you didn’t.”
Rivers’ burrows his face in xyr free hand, bringing in his legs and curling up into an embarrassed little ball, xe mumbled into his arm, “You're dodging the question.”

“Am I?”

“Stop it with the cryptic poetry, you know i’m not smart enough for that,” He was, Berry knew, but it wasn’t the time for that.
“What I mean is,” it brushed xyr hair with the hand that wasn’t holding his, coaxing xem to come out of his self cocoon, “ I love you. Does it matter what form that love comes in?”
“Yes! What’s the point in saying something is one thing or isn’t another if they’re all the same!” xe threw up one of his hands in an exasperated gesture, “ I mean we could totally go unlabeled if you want, I’m cool with that but- stop looking at me like that.”
Berry smiled, “No, I don’t want to go unlabeled,” they raised their interwoven hands in front of both of their faces, “I like being in a qpr with you. We’re in the relationship we are, in the form it is in, because this is what makes both of us the most comfortable, and that’s all that matters.“
Xe blushed, “Alright, just tell me if you want to upgrade, or downgrade or- go fucking sideways, I don’t know. I just don’t want you to be trapped in something you don’t want because you're afraid of hurting my feelings,” and then, very quietly whispering, “…but thanks, B.”
“No problem, and I will, don’t worry.”

The night was just beginning , still enough light to not have to worry about torches or lanterns, but by now the sky was mostly black, stars like tiny pinpricks in the velvet cloth of the heavens. The moon was just starting to peak her face out from above the horizon, as the couple watched the waxing crescent rise higher as time went on. They just sat like this, together, not saying anything, for some time. Neither could tell you how long, maybe seconds, maybe minutes, maybe hours.

“So while we’re doing this whole heart to heart thing, can I share something?” Berry eventually asked.
“Only seems fair,” Rivers responded, “You have to put up with my bullshit, I have to put up with yours.”
It gave a soft smile but it was- sad somehow, they sighed and collected itself, “I’m scared you're going to leave me.”
Rivers desperately wanted to jump in and re-assure it, to tell them that of course he would never leave it, but bit xyr tongue, he knew that wouldn’t do any good, so xe resisted the urge.
Berry continued, “Or I guess more accurately, I’m afraid I’m going to be alone again. I’ve been in platonic and romantic relationships before and I’ve been left behind more than once. I guess I’m afraid that it’s just keep going to happen, no matter what. I really,really, don’t want to be alone again,” they squeezed his hand, but didn’t look at xem.

He glanced at it’s hand, and then to their face, wanting so desperately to take the pain away, “ I’m sorry. I- I know that doesn’t mean much, but I’m sorry. I can’t guarantee that I’ll be around forever, but- I can promise that I’ll try. I’ll do everything in my power to stay for as long as I can, if that’s any condolence. I know it probably isn’t,” xe reached for it’s hand, only to remember that they were already holding each other’s, he chortled, “God dammit Berry, you’ve already done all the big romantic gestures, your making it really fucking hard for me to be a good boyfriend,” they snorted, the serious expression it held getting suddenly disrupted, and Rivers smirked to xyrself.

“It does help, a lot actually,” they scooted closer, and sleepily laid its head on his shoulder, “Thanks.”